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i'm so done with this....
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i feel like shit. my entire life feels backwards. i mean, damn, when trying to write shit, i wrote "this" on my first try. i had to go back and fix it. but i guess that's just a metaphor for my life right now. i fucked up so i have to go through shit to fix it. i just want it to be better. i wish you would tell me when you're feeling bad or down or off or whatever. then we wouldn't have to go through this. i love you, regardless. you're my corresponding puzzle piece...but when your piece sucks into itself and i'm left thinking i'm connected to you, bad things happen. i love you so much...i know you need to be alone, but i can't help thinking and worrying about what i could do, what i could have done to make it better. i'm so sorry. i feel so guilty because i was happy and you weren't. you're my best friend...i can't lose you. i guess i've gotten to the point that i'm so used to you that i DO actually need you. time apart. okay. but i wish you would have let me know it's gotten this bad, or that something was off in the first place. instead of just fighting with me you should have told me. i would have given you as much space as you needed...i can't think straight when i think i'm losing you. i just need mindless activities to drone out the worry. but i'm left alone for the next 8 and a half hours. i doubt i'll sleep.
FUCK YOU!!!!!! right now, i could almost say i fucking hate you!!!!
time alone?! what the fuck!!!!!! if you needed time alone, to your fucking self, why the fuck are you at your friends house?!?!?!?!
you make me feel like shit. thanks. again.
why are you doing this to me?! you say you need time by YOURSELF. that you're always around other people and you want time ALONE by YOURSELF without OTHER PEOPLE!! and on the first night that you've kicked me out of my own place of living, you're out with OTHER PEOPLE not by yourself, not alone, but with PEOPLE. that's mean. that's really mean. you asshole.
and to think i felt bad for you for feeling like you needed to be alone.
i hope you fucking choke on a cheeseburger and can't breathe when you're smoking. i hope you get alcohol poisoning and puke up blood.
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^^ new age bible.
the more bright eyes i hear, the more i love them.
which isn't to say i already love them more than most things.
hold us at the center while the spiral unwinds...
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